Misc. stuff

Winter has decided that Florida is not quite done with her yet. Today the high is supposed to be 65 yet at 3 p.m. it is only 60 and the wind is making it feel even lower. I am not complaining because cool weather is so much better for my breathing but there are always those that will complain. I just smile and ask them if they would like to live in North Dakota instead.

We always want something more instead of stopping and counting our blessings. I always wanted red hair...my little sister got it instead...yet I have thick healthy hair that needs nothing more than washing and combing - yes I have to be reminded to be thankful of that from those who have thin straight hair. Nancy's new do looks so awesome and that she gave the gift of her locks to an organization that will use it for someone who needs it is a very special thing. (I'm still jealous she got the red hair).

My birthday was yesterday and it was a good one. I sure don't feel 58! I have a Maxine cartoon on my work bulletin board that says, "I'm not saying 60 is old...but I'm thinking it." My body tells me I'm not a "spring chicken" anymore but the me "inside" is not quite there. So I try to ignore the aches and pains and think of trouble to get into...believe me, it doesn't take much thinking to get into trouble where I work.

To everyone who reads this...have a wonderful Spring!

Setttle for...

It's a shame that my sister has settled for less than what she deserves. She deserves a man who respects her, loves her to no end, and is HONEST with her. Unfortunately she settled for someone who stole from her and broke her heart and will do so again. I'm sorry she has so little faith in herself as a person to not settle. She's wonderfully talented...I'm envious of her talent but without faith and trust in herself she is willing to settle for dirt. I love my sister and know that she resents the hell out of me for what she considers a rotten childhood...sorry sis, I didn't make our parents who they were...I didn't choose them...I just tried to help you with a roof over your head and someone to come home to. My childhood wasn't so great either but you didn't give a damn about me did you...don't now either. Your loss, sweetie! I am struggling but will survive as I always have...by myself...you never reached out to me when I was hurting and won't now...well, I am done with people who do not care about me. Nance, I promise you thatt Mike will leave you high and dry again when he gets "pressured" and this time he may take all of your money as well as your trust and love. I will always have an open door for you because I love you and it's always unconditional.

Tohu Wabahu

No it's not a fraternity war cry...it's Hebrew for formless void, kaos. It relates to God making the earth from a formless void and putting it into the kaos of space. I think the "air" between the ears of of politicians is exactly that...full of void and from that they have created kaos. I kind of like the phrase myself...I work with someone who has Tohu Wabahu between her ears and therefore creates kaos around her. Anyway, enough said for today.

Today's economy or lack of...

Businesses closing, staffs cuts in many places...times are difficult in many places today. As we enter our workplace in the mornings many of us are wondering if we will have a job tomorrow. I know I have had to take a serious look at my life and discern what is a need and what is a want. I heard someone ask...how did we ever get to this horrible place? I'm no economist but it boils down to greed...we always want more money, more things. This country and the businesses that help keep it going are greedy as well and the politicians that run this country should be ashamed of themselves. Many of them don't NEED (please note the word) the complete second salary that they get...many of them have wonderful incomes from their own businesses and investments (yes, they have been hit too but none of them are hurting) - they WANT or rather feel they are owed this extra money. The only thing we owe them is a swift kick in the behind for the mess they (I include all parties in this word) have made. Our president should lead the way by taking a major pay cut...most of what he and his family need is provided by us. Our former presidents should take a good look in the mirror and at their finances and give back to the country. We need to take a good look at our lives and stop living beyond our means. It's time to take responsibility for our mess and join together and clean it up!

Steps...

Not sure how to title this posting. Today another step has been taken towards the separation between my husband and I. Over the next two weeks several "steps" will take place towards that...there are a lot of steps in separating lives that have been together for 39 years. I am sad...we aren't fighting... there aren't any bad feelings...we've just grown apart but one doesn't just walk away from that kind of time together without being affected. The final step will be when he leaves on April 17th...it's still two months away but coming fast.

Snow Flurries expected

Well, I guess hell as frozen over cause we are expecting snow flurries tonight (inland - not here on the coast). It's been a rough winter for a lot of places - Chicago has had it bad so I am not complaining about the weather we are having...I will wish for some of it mid July and August when it is so hot. I took a picture of a beautiful tree in full bloom - lots of pink blooms - yesterday and I will post it as soon as I download it to my computer. Here it is mid January and this beautiful tree sits in full bloom in the parking lot of a strip shopping center - I couldn't resist taking a picture to send to my relatives knee deep in snow. Yes, I know, Nance is in one of the most beautiful parts of the country and snow can be beautiful too...anyway, the wind has been blowing so strongly that I bet if I went back to where that tree is today it would be pretty bare!

As the Old Year Ends

2008 has been quite a year. School was good...got a B in Math!!!! Moved into a condo in the "old folks" area....love the condo....hate the "neighborhood". Oh well. So much is happening in this world and I am very blessed in many ways. The girls at work complain (as we all do) about this and that but when I get aggravated I pause and then say a silent thank you for the fact that I have a job...so many are out of work. Life isn't fair...never was and the times are reflecting that. We are greedy and think we have to have so much to live...it's surprising what one can do without when you have to...been there...done that! A roof over the head is a necessity but it doesn't have to be a three bedroom, two bath, pool, hot tub, designer kitchen. Kids will survive sharing a room...my sisters and I did and we didn't turn out too bad...well, Nancy is the exception...she is a bit weird (only kidding Nance)! Anyway....2009 is going to be great!

Eve of Christmas Eve

It’s the eve of Christmas Eve and this year has been a tough one…in fact the past two or three years have been tough. I wear a mantle of sadness that I cannot shake. My 39 year marriage has fallen apart and in April my husband is moving to Indiana. We part friendly but it leaves an emptiness in my heart and soul. I am not feeling sorry for myself…I wear the mantle of sadness not depression. I am blessed in many ways and I know it. Each day I remind myself of my blessings. I want to do so much; heal the hurts, bring a smile to someone’s face, capture the rare picture of delight in someone’s eyes…there is so much pain and sadness in the world and making it right begins with one…that one should be me but I don’t know where to start. I tend to gather the cloak of solitude around me when I'm hurting and then I am so comfortable in it's protection I don't want to shed it.

Mountains and molehills

Tonight I felt the urge to blog tho I doubt if anyone will read it as most know I'm not blogging anymore...life is getting tougher to handle. Illnesses for which there are no medicines I can take safely...money shortage - that's one most everyone I know can relate to. I feel very alone and am facing a mountain (probably more like a molehill but my perspective is off) of odds and ends in my life that I see no solutions for. I hate being alive, I dread each day, there is no joy, no refuge to go to. I have managed to mess up a lot of things in my life and...well...there is no and. Enough.

No More

Dear Friends and Family,
I have made a decision not to post any more blogs. If you want to know what is going on in my life call me.